Saying goodbye.....

April 9, 2013

The day was gloomy, a grayish light pouring through the bedroom window. Gazing through the glass, I tried hard to make sense of the peculiar scenario unfolding in front of me…..Unable to; I turned away.

“Let’s close the curtains”, I said finally, feeling strangely exposed, “I think they see us.” His knowing expression told me he understood. Reaching out, he grabbed hold of my hands and twirled me around.

With a hearty laugh and twinkling eyes he rendered my heart weightless as he whisked me to the middle of the room....then, pulling me close, we danced, our souls clinging to each other, unwilling to let go.

For a while it eluded me....but then as imperceptible as vapor... it drifted in….. 

Vague, unsettling, the memory;  

I understood…..

Burying my head deep into his shoulder, I closed my eyes and squeezed him tightly one last time. The light, a little brighter now illuminated the softness in his eyes, the tenderness of his smile

"Thank you." I whispered….”I've been waiting.”

I knew he had to go….but this time I had a chance to say goodbye…

and my heart is thankful....

Some words are better left unsaid

I listened carefully from the next room.  Knowing the boys, their relationship, and the exceedingly emotional topic at hand, my "mother antennae" was on full alert.

“Are you bitter at ME?” The younger boy asked, suddenly.

I knew it had begun….

“Yes”, the other answered quietly, "he was my father".

Perhaps it was guilt, perhaps it was Jack Daniels, perhaps the younger boy really didn't get it….

It was incomprehensible to me, but he needed an explanation.

My heart thumped erratically as the elder boy expounded. Offering several illustrations as to how circumstances could have/should have played out differently.

He was hurting, but his patience never waned.

Even when younger boy’s words were filled with blatant contradictions

The elder boy, aware of his lies, chose to let it go.

I did not….

But some words are better left unsaid......

To be continued....