Filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation, I sit silently. Staring blankly at my computer screen, I blink hard, and rub my eyes in hopes the tranquil blue hues I've chosen for my new blog, will help me regain some composure. My heart, beating at a pace that reflects significant fear, reminds me that leaping into a month long writing challenge is way out of my comfort zone…..So, I do what I always do when I am frightened, take a deep breath, close my eyes and think about John..... As I visualize the conversation we would surely have, I find my fear slowly melting away. "John”, I would whine, looking for a way out, “What in the world was I thinking? Me, write publicly, every day for a month? I am pretty sure I will never be able to do this!” He, of course would grin. Then, gently wrapping his arms around me he would begin to reassure me. “You know, he’d whisper, “everything you put your mind to you do well, and this is no different. You can, and you will do this, and the experience will be amazing!” As Always, I would find myself believing him. For this very reason, as I enter the first leg of my writing journey, I have decided it is only fitting to post a poem that I've written in his honor. John, for thirty years you have been my biggest inspiration…… and that will never, ever change.
The Cycle
Each night I dream about you
Your presence oh so strong
My arms reach out to hold you
just to find that you are gone
That’s when the loneliness grips me
So I can’t control the tears
And shrouded in the darkness
I lay Drowning in my fears
But morning holds no comfort
And the cycle never ends
For the sunrise just reminds me
Of my lover and best friend
For thirty years we shared our dreams
Together, hand in hand
We cherished our sweet children
With our future clearly planned
But now “our” time is over
And I've found no place to hide
From this searing ache that’s seized my heart
Without you by my side
So I ask that you watch over me
The way you've always done
And help me bear this cycle of grief
Until we meet again…….
I love you and miss you
With each and every beat of my heart
Today and forever............
