Filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation, I sit silently. Staring blankly at my computer screen, I blink hard, and rub my eyes in hopes the tranquil blue hues I've chosen for my new blog, will help me regain some composure. My heart, beating at a pace that reflects significant fear, reminds me that leaping into a month long writing challenge is way out of my comfort zone…..So, I do what I always do when I am frightened, take a deep breath, close my eyes and think about John..... As I visualize the conversation we would surely have, I find my fear slowly melting away. "John”, I would whine, looking for a way out, “What in the world was I thinking? Me, write publicly, every day for a month? I am pretty sure I will never be able to do this!” He, of course would grin. Then, gently wrapping his arms around me he would begin to reassure me. “You know, he’d whisper, “everything you put your mind to you do well, and this is no different. You can, and you will do this, and the experience will be amazing!” As Always, I would find myself believing him. For this very reason, as I enter the first leg of my writing journey, I have decided it is only fitting to post a poem that I've written in his honor. John, for thirty years you have been my biggest inspiration…… and that will never, ever change.
The Cycle
Each night I dream about you
Your presence oh so strong
My arms reach out to hold you
just to find that you are gone
That’s when the loneliness grips me
So I can’t control the tears
And shrouded in the darkness
I lay Drowning in my fears
But morning holds no comfort
And the cycle never ends
For the sunrise just reminds me
Of my lover and best friend
For thirty years we shared our dreams
Together, hand in hand
We cherished our sweet children
With our future clearly planned
But now “our” time is over
And I've found no place to hide
From this searing ache that’s seized my heart
Without you by my side
So I ask that you watch over me
The way you've always done
And help me bear this cycle of grief
Until we meet again…….
I love you and miss you
With each and every beat of my heart
Today and forever............
I'm having a hard time typing this as the tears are doubling my vision. What an incredible poem you have written! You have put into words a fear that I have. I'm so glad you are taking the challenge. Welcome and continue, this was wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elsie. I am so excited to be here with all of you, and truly appreciate your kind words.....You make me feel as though I am at "home".:-)
DeleteDarlene, what a loving tribute to your lover and friend. I'm sad for your loss. Just like John whispered to you, you will discover that this is an amazing experience! I started my journey with fellow slicers last year and can't wait to meet new friends this year. Welcome aboard!
ReplyDeleteHi Ramona,
DeleteI appreciate your input so much. I write from the heart because that is the only way I know how. I also believe this will be an amazing experience. It is a dream of mine to get to know others who share a passion for writing like I do. Here's to you and all of my new slicer friends....:-)
He will be looking down on you from heaven this month, as I'm sure he always is, cheering for you. You can do this, Darlene. I'm so glad you've decided to entrust our writing community with the stories of your life. Thank you for introducing us to John, and the life you built together, through your poem today.
ReplyDeleteThank you Stacey, John was definitely my biggest "cheerleader"!! He gave me strength and confidence, and taught me never to shy away from anything that makes me happy. I consider myself extremely blessed to be accepted into a community where people understand and will allow me to heal by doing what I love to do most.....WRITE:-) Thank you for the warm welcome.
ReplyDeleteWelcome, Darlene. Your poem is absolutely beautiful and such a tribute to the man in your life. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this special poem with us. I was new to this last year - intimated, unsure, doubtful - but found that this community of writers is special - encouraging, caring and accepting. I look forward to getting to know you thru your writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Judy, Thank you so much for your kind words and condolences. John has been gone only a few months, and I am still trying to figure out where I fit in this world without him. I'm very excited to be here with all of you. It feels like a beginning of sorts, and I am happy to know that I have chosen the right community to share my slices with. I look forward to getting to know you better also:-)
DeleteWelcome! I look forward reading more of your posts during the March challenge! I am sure you will find new cheerleaders among the many slicers--I definitely have.
ReplyDeleteI Joana, thank you so much for the warm welcome. I am looking so forward to meeting new friends, and I am sure I will also be in the cheering section for you:-)
DeleteDarlene. I'm sitting at my desk at Springfield.. and I am in tears. Thank God my kids are at gym. Your thoughts and poem are beautiful.. both in their eloquence and sincerity. The sheer bravery you demonstrate is so powerful. I know of the strength it takes to just breath after losing a love. Remember he is only a heartbeat away..the love you share is so very much alive, surrounding you- practically palpable- I can feel it right now. Thank you for being so honest. One of the reasons I love writing and literature-how it connects us in our seemingly isolated journeys. Sending positive thoughts your way and a hug. You're in my prayers..
ReplyDeleteBrighid, Your response to my post touches me deeply on so many levels. I find being able to express my feelings in writing is extremely and beneficial, and I am so grateful and honored to be among people who actually "feel" the emotion I am trying to express. So, thank you Brighid for your beautiful words, and for all of the love and support you and others in our district have given me throughout these difficult days. It is because of people like you, I am able to find the stength to breathe...:-)
DeleteDarlene,
ReplyDeleteI'm honored that you decided to write with us and trust us with your stories and poems. I'm looking forward to reading your words this month.
Ruth
Thank you so much, Ruth!! I am delighted to be here, and cannot wait to get better acquainted with you and all of my fellow slicers. I truly appreciate how welcome you are all making me feel. What a wonderful place to be:-)
DeleteWelcome Darlene! This was such an amazing story. It took a lot of courage to put these words on "paper" and send them out into the world. I sat and read with tears streaming down my face. I hope you find some new cheerleaders in this group of fellow slicers. I certainly have. It's an amazing experience and I'm sure you will find some comfort here...from others, their words and your own words. I look forward to reading more of your stories throughout the month.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to slicing! After today's (3/3) slice - I had to go back and read all you've written. May March be a month you look back on and smile about all the beautiful writing you shared!
ReplyDeleteDarlene,
ReplyDeleteI signed up to comment on new slicers blogs. I was in a bit of a hurry this morning. Stuck the chicken in the oven, was just going to skim your blog, throw out a few bland comments and get on with my day.
Then I found your writing. I am sitting here bawling. Your writing and your poem really touched me.
My husband is still living. We have been married for 22 years.
Your poem helped me grieve the death of my father 14 years ago. My parents divorced, and I don't have anyone to talk to about my dad.
Words and writing help us heal, and help others.
Thank you for listening to John encourage you. You knew what he would say to you. I am glad you are writing this month.
BEAUTIFUL, HONEST, and DEEPLY MOVING! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in your writing! Your courage inspires me.
ReplyDelete