Broken promises??

In the beginning my foolish heart believed I could do it. Emerging renewed from its protective cocoon, it fluttered with euphoric anticipation, breathing in the fleeting scents of hope and possibilities.  

Thirty one days.....so much time, I thought... to build courage, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to say.

With inordinate optimism I stacked one promise on top of another.

I’ll to let loose, I'll take risks, I'll be brave.

Now, haunted by the numerous words left unwritten. I scan through my posts with a silent sense of urgency; searching for traces of the promises that elude my critical eye.

Broken promises?

I think not!

Instead, I'll attribute it to zeal, and the fact that
thirty one days not so much time, after all.

 

 

God's Proof (Haiku)

Innocent faces

run happily through a field

God's proof there is hope

What am I ? (a riddle)

I've no regard for age or rank

nor gender, race, or creed

I cause remorse for things you've done

 whether real or perceived.

What am I?

Ouch!

I could tell she'd been crying from the moment she walked in the room. 

"Are you okay?" I asked, knowing the answer.

With a "deer in headlights" expression, she collapsed dramatically into the chair beside me, pouring out her desperate story.

I need to fix this... I think with lightning speed, kicking my brain into gear.

Meticulously, it sorts through the impressive collection of inspirational words; wisdom stockpiled specifically for occasions like this. 

Cloaked in good intentions, I listen carefully as the details of her dilemma unfold. Silently, I ache for her, focusing on the intensity of her pain.

I want to fix this.... I think, But, with an unexpected twist. I find I'm suddenly mute, Swallowing my intended words of wisdom, I view the situation with unforeseen clarity. I'm confounded by the truth; 

(a double whammy),    

I cannot fix this......and... it's not my place to try....OUCH!

The sudden epiphany came from my own life experiences, I must respect the significance, the value, of her pain.

A genuine hug ends our evening. Both richer for the experience, we feel lighter as we go our separate ways.      

She will fix this...... I know...

and grateful for the opportunity, I graciously I accept another life lesson of my own.

Rocking chair and rosary

The heavy hand of time has no power here. Try as it may, it falls short of marring the natural beauty that exudes from within her broken body. I see her through the eyes of wonder. Transparent skin folding gently around her diminutive frame seems to hold together her frail bones; protecting her beautiful heart.

Fragile as a foal, she calculates each step, slowly, carefully, relying on the strength of her newest companion, a shiny silver walker.

Helplessly, I watch, aching to reach, to extend my hand, to carry her across the seemingly endless room, but the feisty sparkle in her clear blue eyes forbid me to intervene.

For 95 years she's dedicated her life to helping others, and today, is no exception.

From her rocking chair with her rosary, she continues  her faithful journey of love.......

This one's for my Auntie Julia

Happy Easter Everyone!!

Her final pirouette

She dances for the sake of sanity.
Regrets flowing 'round her like a sparkling veil,
she closes her eyes and sways.
Finding the rhythm of a heart she used to know,
she twirls again, and again, and again.
Savoring each tiny beam, 
as sunlight washes over her shoulders.
She dances for the sake of sanity
seeking only to find peace
'til she day she performs her final pirouette.

Addicted Much???

The television is out, the land line is down and, other than my cell phone, there's no Internet. Why do I feel as though my entire life has come to a screeching halt? Addicted to technology much? I'd say!!

Sticks and stones

Hushed voices trickled comfortably through the tiny opening of the doorway, sprinkled with an occasional giggle, the environment seemed warm and inviting. She was just about to join the comradery when she heard the offensive words.

"so then...", the familiar voice continued, and BLAM, just like that..... her world began to reel. 

Too stunned to move, she stood paralyzed by the ease of the lies and embellishments weaving through her name;the apparent source of the other's amusement. Suddenly nauseous,  she staggered dizzily into the safety of the cool hallway, desperate to escape.

Tears stinging her eyes, she slipped away into the shadows of the afternoon sunlight......sticks and stones.....she thought glumly.....if only life was that easy.....

The Essence of my Dreams....

The starry skies made promises,

as did the sunny days

and still one day you left me here

to yearn for yesterday

But good outweighs the sadness

even when I'm lost in tears

for it's in the midst of madness

that I feel your presence near

And when dark hours approach me

things are better than they seem

for that's when I know I'll find you

You're the essence of my dreams

Makes me wanna go GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

This wasn't by planned slice this morning,  but  just the sound of the ridiculous banter, caused me to lose my flow.

"Oh my God!", I barked, at my poor unsuspecting daughter, "Will you mute that, please???"

My senses assaulted; concentration blown, I decided it was time to switch direction. 

No poetry, no prose.....but a question.

Do you ever find your self so annoyed with the content on TV that it makes you want to go GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! ???


If so, please share.......

Surprise

The cool spring breeze brushes gently across my face as the leaves from my favorite tree rustle above me.  With eyes closed I lean my head back and, for a moment, become lost in the annals of my mind taking in the distant sound of children playing. An abrupt chill spreads through my body, telling me to look up. Adrenaline suddenly pumping through my veins, my body sprinting forward uncontrollably in response. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I am now running as fast as I can, my mind vaguely aware of the footsteps following close behind me. With blurry vision from the tears, I still manage to make out the shadowy figure who is now directly in my path. My heart is beating profusely and I cannot seem to catch my breath – but still, as I thrust forward my arms reach desperately in front of me and I am able to cry out “You’re Home!” I can feel arms wrapped around me, first my husband’s then my children’s who have finally caught up to me. My husband is home. He is finally home. What a great surprise.

my friend

It's 35^°F , Fair, and Feels Like 27^°  While words come flooding to mind like renewal, cleaning, Easter, and fresh beginnings, the chill of winter still has me clutched in her icy grip.

Nonetheless, I find myself optimistic. My friend, on the other side of the glass, provides me with the promise of warmth and hope on this glorious first day of Spring.

To Renewal and Fresh Beginnings....

Happy First Day of Spring.....

Eating yogurt at midnight

Eating yogurt at midnight

glorious

delectable

indescribably delicious

delightfully sweet

smooth

cool to the palate

strawberry infused

fat free perfection

happiness on a spoon

Eating yogurt at midnight

A teeny, tiny slice of  life

captured forever

Imagine if we treated each moment with such reverence.....

I

What they never taught me....

"We can't keep her anymore", she blurted out in the middle of her baby's 1st birthday party. "With our job schedules, the new baby and everything, well....." she paused long enough to brush away a few stray tears, "anyway, it would be so amazing if you could take her. Your sooo good with animals, and I could come and visit and......" by now her voice had drifted away as I absorbed the enormity of her plea.

Amazing, was the word she'd used, but adopting a 113 lb. dog who'd never been exposed to cats into my three-cat-one- humongous dog of my own-household, seemed more precarious than amazing.

Instincts on full alert: my gut screamed it's warning loud and clear  "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" but too late, The words were already tumbling from my lips..... 

"Well, I can't make any promises....but...."

 Damn!! I'd done it again!!

Allowed someone else's sadness to take precedence over my own well being.

I thought momentarily about my parents, the lifetime they'd spent teaching me the importance of values: honesty, justice, determination, kindness.....

Why, I wondered, had they never taught me the importance of saying no???





.

Short poem

May your heart dance with glee

as you stroll through your day

May you find there's no obstacles

blocking your way

May your words all be clever,

  your pen write with flare

May your true inner genius

accompany you there

May the Luck O' the Irish

through work and through play

be your constant companion

this St. Patty's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Darkness.

Darkness.

Pure and Utter Darkness.

My eyes desperately searching for a glimpse of light in the endless blackness.

Frozen.

My body chilled to the bone, laden with ice.

My eyes have grown weary, closing in protest.

My body, stiffening more each second, succumbs to the overpowering coldness.  

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Light.

Flickering over my frozen eyelids.

A warm amber glow engulfing my body giving me the strength to make it through.

BROKEN

BROKEN

Raw, unbridled emotion, poured profusely from their pummeled hearts
Spewing venomous truths, they fought fiercely in the name of love
They'd been there before
But this time was different
Love, honesty, unresolved issues, silence.
Silence rending yet another tear in their already broken story
Two lost sisters with mirroring souls
Prayerfully seeking to one day find their way home.....

Smile

The hour that we lost

is only an illusion

so cheer up and smile

Your voice....(a thank you, really)

Anybody who knows me, knows I have one of those personalities that won't allow me to do anything half way. If I'm in,  I'm in........   and soo it is with slicing.  Every March, I eat, sleep and breathe the challenge in a way that makes others question my sanity, and me, my abilities.

While normal people do normal things, I frequently interrupt with my famous line " Hey,  give me a sec. I just wanna check on my blog."

" What's there to check?" they ask.....

What is there to check?...I ponder.....
Is anybody reading it? 
Do they like what I'm saying? 
Is anybody commenting? 

Mid-March vulnerabilities are crashing in and, if I'm honest, the numbers are none too impressive.....

So today's slice is a thank you, really.....

A thank you to the friends, the colleagues, the lifelines who share, unabashedly, each and every step of  this sometimes tumultuous journey. You understand my doubts without judging, you provide encouragement when I need it, and you never, ever abandon.

As with everything, vulnerabilities will come and go. But when they're here,  it's your voice that keeps me going, and for that  I'm eternally  grateful.

Red Red Wine

Some days it's hard to get out of bed. Today was one of those days.  Oh, how I longed to laze away the morning, to drift luxuriously in and out of dreams; to ignore the obligations of the coming day.

You deserve a lazy day, my brain prompted me from it's dreamy state.....you owe it to yourself.....

Rationalizations, drift idly through my brain like wispy white clouds on a bright blue morning, delicately tempting me to concede.

But laziness, I know, is a slippery slope, the end, never justifying the means.

So with a stretch and a groan, I pry my pouting body from comfort of my bed with promises of fresh coffee and sunshine....

"and tonight", I say aloud, "if you finish your projects, you'll get a nice tall glass of red, red wine."

because I belong....

While unremarkable, I couldn't help but notice her. The neatly coiffed, fashionably dressed lady strolling down our halls. I didn't know her, and it bugged me. So, for a moment I watched as she readjusted the strap of her oversized bag. Her confident pace and familiar demeanor told me she felt at home....but how?

Scrolling through my mental rolodex, I came up empty.....

Who was she? Why was she here? Why did I care?

Purposefully, I picked up my stride to catch up; scanning her for recognition as I passed by.

Nope, not a clue, I concluded, exchanging a quick glance, but her visitor's pass put me strangely at ease.

"Good morning.", I offered pleasantly.

"Good morning.", she responded in kind.

I smiled to myself  as the realization slowly sunk in....

Our Students, Our Staff, Our School,

All a part of who I am....

I care........... because I belong.

The mask of ambivalence

  Ambivalence

She's always quick to state her case

she dons a silver tongue

Her confidence intimidates

Well, nearly everyone

She's not afraid to take a side

she never rides the fence

 in an argument she'll usually  win

'cause she simply makes good sense

I'd like to think I know her well

but if I'm honest, I must ask

Does anybody really know 
the girl behind the mask?

"Twas the morning....

'Twas the morning before school, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even "my" mouse;
I've got to get going, I thought, as I flopped,
in the comfy old chair with my open laptop;

The words only trickled and were random at best,
But challenging myself, I was up for the test;
I tapped at the keys with a confident pace,
Just to backspace and edit, correct, and erase;

Yes, slicing was daunting first thing in the day,
but things could be worse, is what I always say;
As I sit here this morning, I happy to write,
for I know it's much easier than writing at night.

Her Horror.....

She woke suddenly, heart pounding; frozen with fear.  Paralyzed by the extent of her own anxiety, she closed her eyes and attempted to pray.

She had eluded it for awhile.....but now, abandoned by sleep,  the comforting rhythm of the old wooden clock seemed to mock her with every tick and chime.  Anxiously, she  counted the hours 'til daybreak....

Like a thief in the night it had crept stealthily, into her sleep, stealing away her one chance for solace. Dreams transformed into nightmares...

Her horror was only beginning.....

Finding the key

 I knew it was a dream,

I kept thinking about words I wanted to remember, to share, a story that needed to be told. As my dream faded I fought to hang on to each and every memory, I clung to words that faded one by one... nothingness, never to be revealed ..... disheveled......intensely beautiful eyes that need no color, loneliness.....one by one....meaningless words, nameless pictures, beautiful apparitions.

Locked within our dreams is a magic to behold. Tales of pain and glory; words of wisdom. The task is to find the key and never let it go.   I'm sure of this. If only we can learn to capture them...

I was wrong!

I wrote it, I read it, I loved it.
Not too long
Not too short
Not too deep
Peppered with a perfect balance of  humor and mystery
Surely, I thought, 
Others will love it too.
I was wrong.....

I wrote it, I read it, I hated it
The epitome of "bleh".
I cringed at the choices I'd made
Boring, vapid, lackluster words
The best I could conjure not good enough
Surely, I thought,
Others will hate it too
Again, I was wrong.

Intuitively we know....

Intuitively we knew.....

The bond was there from the moment we met. A mutual recognition, too tangible to ignore, hung perceptibly in the air. Inexplicably, we connected, no need to converse.  A silent recognition that shall not be broken.

Untainted by words or reduced by logic,  it  transcends all limits of  the imagination, allowing only the integrity of truth to shine through.

No, it cannot be proven, nor does it matter. For connected souls are eternal, silence is golden, and

Intuitively we know......

AHHHHHH.....

Stepping into the veil of blackness, familiarity guides my slippered feet effortlessly down the shadowy staircase to my favorite morning spot. Sinking into the overstuffed chair, I luxuriate in the pleasant fogginess of  my sleepy brain as it gently dissipates into the pre-dawn stillness I've come to cherish.

These moments are precious, pure, but oh, so brief. Outside, the sounds of a waking world are beginning to filter in.  SIGH.

With a final stretch, I rise, my pup Misty following close at my heels.

And so it begins.....

As is our routine, coffee in hand, I watch as she squeezes, tail wagging wildly, through a barely open door. Wrapped in my robe, I hug myself tightly and inhale. The sweet briskness of morning air gives me an exhilarating jolt, as my eyes scan for the last remnants of twilight.

Above the rooftops, all signs of the darkness have disappeared; Replaced with colors unique only to God's palette, gloriously infused with golden hues, fresh hopes, and promises of new beginnings.....

 AHHHHH...... MORNING!!! Don't you just love it??????????

disintegrating memories

Who will ever know the wisdom you possess?

Illegible scrawls randomly scattered

Sacred messages, cryptically inscribed

Artistic interpretations of love and light

pain and darkness living and losing

Intricately bound,

you're private graffiti

created from a heart for purpose of posterity,

imploring to be read

but instead
tucked away in darkness
you are lost...

damp, dusty, curled and withering

forgotten
a lifetime of love
poured onto pages
disintegrating memories

never to be revealed