Embracing the messy side....

It's not for lack of trying!! I continually strive to be more like my calm, collected, perfectly organized, "annoyingly" logical, left brain friends. If only I could be more like my them... I dream... I envision...I emulate ... only to have the other side emerge....

It's not that the other side is bad, it's just different.... More chaotic, more passionate, more heated! It's the side of me that is obsessive and compulsive, and fun. It's the side that can spend hours on end searching, reading, writing, drawing, plotting, or praying. It's the side of me that gets overly excited, takes everything to heart, and is capable of loving and hating the very same person at the very same time. It's my artistic side, my sensitive side, the side that will listen intently one day, and barely hear the next. It's the side I am always trying to improve and forever trying to defend.


It's messy!

I think too deeply, care to deeply, love too hard , get angry too often. I forgive, but never forget, and sometimes I only "think" I forgive.....

It's exhausting! 

Oh, how I admire the logical, organized, decisive peeps that live in my world. How I envy their apparent ability to glide through life with a sense of serenity I can never seem to achieve. The decision makers, the organizers, the intellectuals who use logic, and never base a decision on raw emotion. The people I can always count when I really need a friend. 

I like to tell myself that one day I'll be more like them,  but after all these years, I don't see that happening. So for now, I'll  work on embracing the messy side. For only then will I be able to embrace the real me.