Friday, March 31, 2017

The universe has my back

Recently, I've had some rough patches in my life.

"I feel so bad for you! Don't you feel like the universe is out to get you?", came the words of a well meaning friend.

While I won't dwell on details, I thought I'd some personal thoughts. After all, isn't that why we write?

It occurs to me that the universe is not "out to get me". In fact, I look at it in reverse.

While I don't particularly welcome life's challenges, I have learned to appreciate them for what they are. A gift, an opportunity to grow, a chance to learn from, and strengthen, my weaknesses.

I recognize my flaws.....especially those I tend to repeat over and over and over.

  • I must learn to be proactive, not reactive.
  • I must learn to trade anger for forgiveness
  • I must learn to embrace the beauty rather than  pain
  • I must learn to trust in others and not try to go it alone.
  • I must remember that if I focus on the path, the obstacles will be so much less daunting.

As I face today, I will find that ray of sunshine behind the clouds. I will smile in the midst of my tears.

For at the end of the day, I'll continue to believe, the universe has my back.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

How selfish am I?

On a scale from one to ten, how selfish am I? 

It 's an age old question that has haunted me for years.

Of course, I'd like to believe I am altruistic, someone that gives for the sake of giving without slightest regard to self.

But then I wonder......

Can I even conceive the meaning of altruistic? 

Even if I give for the sake of giving, isn't there the underlying (selfish) reason hiding behind the scenes.  I want to make a difference?  

I don't know the answer, and perhaps never will. 

But for now, I shall continue to emulate those I perceive to be truly selfless in hopes that one day, I too will make the cut. 

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

In the name of love

"If Love alone could have kept you here, you would have lived forever."

Today I wrap you up in your favorite blanket and hold to my breast pretending you're okay.

Tomorrow I'll face the truth

Today, I feel your tiny heartbeat and indulge myself in your being.

Tomorrow, I'll find the card I'd hoped never to need.

Today, I'll turn off my phones and communicate with no one..

Tomorrow, I'll make the dreaded call.

Today, I'll cease to exist for anyone but you.

Tomorrow, (in the name of love), I'll say my  last tearful goodbye.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

My Perspective on Surprises

Surprise: an unexpected or astonishing event, fact, or thing:                                                                   

As a child, surprise was among my very favorite words.. It made me think of birthdays and parties with sparkly wrapped boxes, Mama's homemade cakes dripping with sweet icing we would lick from the bowl. Visits with grandma and grandpa where every hug was filled with love. Surprise was synonymous with the word happy, and I couldn't hardly wait for the next one to come.

As an adult, I've developed a totally different perspective. Unlike the fond reminiscences' of childhood, these surprises  pack a heavy wallop that knock me off my feet.  
Tomorrow, my baby sister is gets a mastectomy.

What's one supposed to do with a surprise like that?

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Healing dreams

It's twilight, yet I wander. Alone but not afraid, In fact, I am fearless. My spirit soars with the awe and clarity of a child. My limitations fade in an exquisite timelessness that dissolves pain and preconceptions. Perfection prevails.

As dusk fades into dawn, I am a silent observer witnessing majesty. Morning glories blossoming one by one,dew drops glistening as welcome the birth of a new day, birds prattling merrily in warmth of the rising sun, and through it all, I can feel your smile.

Healing dreams. A gift from God.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The pit

She'd been here too many times, precariously close to the precipice, dangerously close to descending into the world between limbo and hell. But she was older now,  wiser, more prepared. She'd learned to navigate particularly well, especially within the confines of darkness.

Today however was different. She could feel a chill seep into her bones even as she gathered the courage to peek over the edge.

It hadn't changed, The same black ominous pit, threatening to devour her, but its voracity surprised her,

Struck by panic, she stumbled. Her body awkwardly lurching toward the cold empty darkness below.

It beckons her like a friend.

Clinging desperately to a single thread  hope, she refuses to fall.

Can she hang on?

Will she hang on?

Monday, March 20, 2017


To be fair, she too was a victim. While her ascension to glory seemed a gift to be envied by others, in reality it was a curse, an invisible tether she'd never escape, Unaware, she basked in her glorious reign of splendor, blinded from the truth. A princess borne to heal the pain of desperation, they'd deemed her their savior. Her lot had been sealed on the day of her birth.