Friday, March 28, 2014

Three Brats!!

Tomorrow is a very, very big day. The wedding shower!!  As the mother of the groom, I want everything to be absolutely perfect right down to the wrapping paper..... In my minds eye....I can visualize exactly how I want mine to look....... neat, crisp, corners with just the right splash of color, perfectly accented with perfectly curled ribbons and homemade bows.........  there's only one problem....

When it comes to wrapping presents, I have, well.... shall we say ... limited skills?

Nonetheless, I am determined to do this myself.....

Taking a deep breath, I promise not to give into intimidation.....but a sigh escapes me as I note the variance of shapes and sizes, and can't help but listen to the voice that's taunting me in my head.... had an entire week to wrap these, but you waited until today...."

Undaunted,   I reach for a paper and scissors, ready to begin. Carefully, I cut just the right amount of paper to cover my table top. That should be perfect, I think.  Gently I press it smooth  with my palms to eliminate any chance of wrinkling....

"Nice!", I whisper to myself.

Making one final cut, I allow the rest of the paper to flow to the floor....I'm on a roll..... Corner one....neatly folded, tape, nice.....corner two....good.....

Wait......what's that? 

....crunkle, crunkle...thump...crunkle.....

"What the....? Oh No!!"  I yelp, trying to retrieve what is left of the wrinkled paper on the floor.

"Meow" her gleeful response ......and she isn't  alone....

All three of them are here,  under my table frolicking like happy children in their self created toy-land,  "eyeballing" boxes, rolling on paper and batting at the mound of ribbons.....

Apparently, my limited skills are not the only problem I have.....

So, I must gather up my three brats and prepare to lock them safely away in another room, and  I share with you  a delightful post I found on  explaining the reasons why.

My sincere apology for not writing it myself , but I really do have to get these presents wrapped sometime before tomorrow......PLEASE....wish me luck!!

Wrapping Presents with a Cat

  1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
  2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
  3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
  4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
  5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
  6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .
  7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
  8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
  9. Remove present from bag.
  10. Remove cat from bag.
  11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
  12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
  13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
  14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
  15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
  16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.
  17. Place present on paper.
  18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
  19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
  20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
  21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
  22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
  23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
  24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
  25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
  26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
  27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
  28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
  29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
  30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
  31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.
  32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)
  33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
  34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.
  35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
  36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
  37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
  38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
  39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
  40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
  41. Go to store and buy a gift bag


  1. Darlene you are so funny! You really slowed the pace down in this Slice, and it was perfect. I just knew something bad was going to happen. Damn cats - lol!

  2. this was very funny! I may send this to my step mom who has a houseful of cats and greatly appreciate your dilemma!!

  3. Go to store and buy gift bag. That's good. Wrapping fail! Way to include a great reference there... Besides that, this cracks me up. I have a serious, gross love for wrapping things just right but a procrastination problem as well. I almost always forget a card which just throws everything out of whack too. This cracks me up right onto calling the cats brats. You know me by now; I love a funny slice!

  4. Are you sure your three brats don't live with me? It is not just wrapping presents my three cats seem to take great joy jumping in on any activity. Wait...I think one is headed for the keyboard! :) All of this had me laughing. I want to wrap pretty presents,too but often end up with a gift bag due to time! I trust the shower will be lovely. I am sure the bride-to-be will be honored by your presence no matter the state of your presents!

  5. Loved this!!! Especially how to wrap a present with cats. This sometimes can apply to my dog as well! Wonderful Slice and enjoy the shower tomorrow. It is truly the beginning of such an exciting time!!!!!!

  6. You definitely need to go to the gift bag route. It's so easy to stuff tissue paper in a pretty bag and make it look good.

    Enjoy the shower!

  7. I have been there- wanting the perfect wrapping and the finicky damn Siamese gets in the way or the fluffy Persian wants to bat at my ribbon. This was so great!

  8. This was great! Cats are adorable, but they do get into stuff, don't they? I LOVE that you included steps for wrapping presents with cats!