|Missing my mom|
My mom was dying. She needed an advocate. She needed me.
So my not so infinite wisdom, I decided that I'd call a "meeting of the minds" to do away with the looming white elephant, and clear the air forever. I call up my sisters. Now mind you, I come from a blended, broken family, and things can be more than a little complicated. So I prepped, I prepared, I practiced, certain I could eliminate insurgence of drama.
Boy, was I ever wrong!!!
That being said, I penned this letter to my sister. An apology of sorts, but more a cleansing of the soul. Deep and personal this is not really a slice of life, it's more like a chunk of my life that I've chosen to share with the world!!
I've been mulling over our family meeting, and the original intent behind it. I realize, in retrospect, you were probably feeling attacked, and for that, I sincerely apologize. Please know I accept complete responsibility for the idea, and it's failure,
When I asked you girls to participate, I believed it to be a good thing. I envisioned it as an opportunity to share our thoughts, (good and bad), spew out any residual venom, and move on so we could at least try to heal.
I cannot reiterate enough that lack of communication has forever been the source of discord in this family, and I do mean forever! Shrouded in secrets, we've been ripped apart at the seams time and time again, and forbidden to acknowledge the pain. It's sad. It's tragic. It's reality that can't be denied.
That being said, what my brilliant plan failed to consider was the depth of the childhood wounds we've each been forced to carry, and the fragile adults we've grown into because of them. Mending decades of wounds by hashing out words in a an hour long meeting is like throwing gauze over a ruptured artery......too little, too late..... and completely ridiculous.
I'm deeply sorry if my intentions were misinterpreted, by you, or by anyone, but I'll never apologize for my reasons behind them. My heart was coming from a good place, and I'm grateful for having had the opportunity to share my thoughts with all of my sisters together in one room. It was, for a moment, like like stepping out of the shadows into the sunlight....
but only for a moment.....
My mom was dying. She needed an advocate. She needed me. I needed her.