Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Learning to smile again

Learning to smile again...
It has been one year, four months, and nine days since I was, quite unexpectedly, tossed into the abyss of widowhood. But, sometimes, the pain is a fresh as the very first day....and I just want to feel better. 

Last year, with a little prodding, I decided to join the Slice of life challenge. Slicing, it turned out, was incredibly therapeutic. As I wrote, I allowed the grief to flow freely through my fingertips, and express it ways I could never do out loud.  This morning, in a moment of sadness, my heart began seeking a cure. It occurred to me that "writing therapy" may be the answer.....  My internal conversation went something like this.....

Maybe I'll  write about John today.....

PSSSH!  Seriously? and what would be the purpose of that?

Don't you remember how therapeutic it was to share? And .... it could be interesting.....

Ummm.... Not interesting!! Redundant is more like it... like throwing yourself a pity party.... trust me, nobody wants to read about that!

I know, but I think it will help, and what about all those lessons?  They're important, right?

Well, .....they could  potentially help others....but......

And what about the progress I've made????

Excuse me!  The progress YOU'VE Made?

"Oooh", I nodded slowly, acknowledging my inner voice out loud.... 

Once again, my fingers flew across the keyboard.....expressing freely through my writing exactly what I needed to say.

Lesson #1. GRATITUDE

It is with the deepest of gratitude I dedicate this post to you, the loving community of friends, family, and coworkers, who have remained by my side even during my very darkest hours. 

Your patience, (when I wallowed in self pity),
Your encouragement, (when I chose to place blame), 
Your smile (when I had nothing but tears)
Your kindness (when anger consumed me )
Your wisdom (when I could't comprehend)

Your words, faces and actions remain with me; a permanent  record to keep eternally in my heart.
Thank you for being my life-line!



  1. You are one of my favorite slicers. You write with such feeling and clarity at the same time. Writing sure is therapeutic and I for one would read anything you posted- and lend an ear and a shoulder whenever necessary although it'll be cyber ears and cyber shoulders because I don't ever see you all the way over in that other building. You've taught lessons to so many with your words. We are the lucky ones.

  2. Give yourself permission, right here and right now, to write about John whenever you want, how often you want, and in whatever way you want. We are never bored of your writing about him or your grief or your love, and we will read every single one. I mean that.

  3. Kim and Dana, I thank you for your kind and supportive comments. It means so much to know that you understand and support me in my writing therapy.. Knowing that you will both be there with your cyber ears, and shoulders will give me the strength to write about John whenever I feel the need to. Thank you for being means more than I can say.